Stuck in an Ever-Daze

One of the things in my “EveryDays”, that helps me snap out of my Ever-Daze is to See, Feel, and Experience whatever shows up for me at the moment it comes into my awareness. To Stop, Look & Listen at the Inspirations that I come across throughout the day. Some I just witness in awe and others pull me into a mode of reflection… What does this mean to me? Why is this showing up for me now?

Mystical portrait of a beautiful woman in whiteThis image spoke to me. Spending some time with this image brought up loads of feelings… questions and opportunity… the opportunity to take a good look at where I was, why I was where I am and where I wanted to be. The first thing that came in loud and clear is that I am not where I want to be and I have been trying to hide it from the outside while reeling on the inside. Ugh, I am going through another cycle of juggling feelings of vulnerability, sadness, loss, doubt and an overall life-in-limbo on the brink of another major change haze. 

It’s been months of being a sofa-dweller while helping my daughter, everything I own a 12-hour car ride away. I can rationalize and make excuses all I want, yet the simple fact is that I am not comfortable with what is going on around me and it is causing much to go on inside me, making me uncomfortable with me. So I ask myself over and over, “What is going on inside me that I am allowing it to zap my joy? Why am I stuck? Why?” 

Self-says to Self …

“You know you can choose at any time to see this differently and not let it take hold.”

“Why are you beating yourself up?”

At some point, I will … see it differently.

For now, I will just accept that there is something that I need to acknowledge, learn, work through … Accept and Let go of …

While I process…
I will be gentle with myself
I will light candles and drink tea
I will stare at the flame for hours on end
I will dance and pray with utter abandon…
For in those moments,
even if brief … for now,
I can free myself
Allow a few simple gestures
Bring in some much-needed Joy.

 

Image: Stockfresh Stephane Bidouze

2 Replies to “Stuck in an Ever-Daze”

  1. The image spoke to me too. Even more so, your words of self-care speak volumes.
    Danne, whatever shifts you are experiencing from within (and it seems as though also from a sense of “without”) must contain a rich wealth of wisdom and benefits. Those deepest introspective times reveal the most impressive flow of all that we THINK we lack. I hope you will share your journey as the path unfolds.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Appreciate that Jan. Self-care is at the top for me right now. The only thing that’s constant is change. Yes, you are so spot on – within and without. With all the changes, riding the flux, I find myself shifting in so many ways. So much is coming up, I’m struggling to keep up. Things I thought resolved – not. Things I thought I knew the answer to for myself – nope. It’s not the material that I’m missing so much, although I do have favorite stuff, it’s a sense of security. Also, not having access to the things that I enjoy as part of my ritual, routines and art, parts of my everydays as part of my self-care is what I think I am lacking. Feeling completely exposed and vulnerable that’s hard for me right now and I suppose a sense that my entire life is alien to me at some level. All of that just brought a few more things to mind!

      I thank you, Dearest Jan. You always seem to validate, encourage or gently nudge … and for me, that’s a very Good Thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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